Monthly Archives: July 2013

Why Miscavige is better than Hubbard

In 1969, Paulette Cooper wrote an article for a British magazine called The Tragi-Farce of Scientology. She then expanded it into a book called The Scandal of Scientology, which she published in 1971.

In retaliation, the Church began a five-year vendetta to drive her over the brink. They sued her, they harassed her, they sent spies to befriend her and to follow her, they wrote her name and phone number in bathroom stalls, and they were nearly successful in an attempt to frame her by writing a bomb threat on stationery they had stolen from her apartment, a stunt they attempted to repeat with threats against the Arab consulate. Ms. Cooper believes the Church was behind an attempted murder that went wrong.

The Church only stopped their campaign of harassment because they were distracted by the discovery of their theft of government documents. Had Operation Snow White not been discovered, they very likely would have hounded Paulette Cooper to her death.

That was Scientology under L. Ron Hubbard.

In 2006, Janet Reitman wrote an article for Rolling Stone magazine called Inside Scientology that was equally critical. That, too, turned into a devastating book of the same name.

In retaliation, the Church wrote an angry letter.

That is Scientology under David Miscavige.

In fact, several critical books have been released in the past two years. So far as I know, none of the authors have been sued, shot or framed.

Clearly, the Church’s actions have been tempered by the times and years of bad PR. The Church may be hobbled by Hubbard’s often idiotic way of doing things, but Miscavige and his management aren’t completely stupid. (That said, it’s worth noting that the harassment has been toned down to an even lower level since Mike Rinder was taken out of the Office of Special Affairs and Marty Rathbun left his post as Miscavige’s chief thug.)

David Miscavige is pretty terrible, but the evidence indicates that he’s nowhere near as bad as LRH.

And for those ex-Churchies who remember LRH as a sweet old man, I’ll point out all the current Churchies, including Tom Cruise, who think David Miscavige is equally great. Are we really supposed to believe that the latter group are deluded cult members, but the former group have their wits about them? Those who worked under Hubbard and have since left indicate that despite his well-honed Santa Claus-like image, behind closed doors, the old man was a vindictive, angry, paranoid, vengeful old grouch with a penchant for screaming tantrums.

So, you ask: Caliwog, what’s your point?

It’s this: As the organized Church continues to implode and independent Scientologists have their own civil wars, there is still that core of people who think LRH’s basic teachings were good, and they were “corrupted” – by Miscavige, by the Guardian’s Office, by David Mayo, or even by an aging Hubbard himself.

Don’t buy it. Hubbard was an evil bastard, from his pre-Scientology days when he stole Jack Parson’s girlfriend and bigamously married her to the day he died in a Bluebird motorhome with an ass-full of the psych meds he claimed to deplore.

As long is there is one person who still thinks Hubbard was a decent guy, the virus of Scientology still threatens our society. Don’t let anyone derail the focus by concentrating on the Church, or on Miscavige, or on other Scientology groups. Scientology is rotten to the core.


Why did Caliwog come back?

Mostly because I started reading Inside Scientology by Janet Reitman, and it reminded me how much Scientology pisses me off.

Why did I go away in the first place? Partly because being Caliwog takes up a lot of time, and I have to make money. Partly because I was seeing changes in what Marty wrote on his blog – his trouble justifying the lies of L. Ron Hubbard. Marty’s on his way out, and so are a lot of his followers. (But then along comes Milestone Two to take more money from the True Believers who are no longer True Believers. (Speaking of Milestone Two, be sure to read my article about why true believer Jim Logan is a complete idiot.)

Also, partly because my fears that Tony Ortega was snowed by Marty proved unfounded. Tony’s Underground Bunker is the best thing to happen to the Scientology protest movement since Mark Bunker. Sorry for doubting you, Tony.

I figured the protest movement could get along fine without me. (Well, it always got along fine without me, and it always will.)

So now I’m back. How long will I stay? Who knows. Until I calm down, I guess.


Two things in which I don’t believe

There is something you should know about me: I don’t believe in God.

Normally, I would hope this would elicit a big “So what?” – same reaction I would hope to get about my eye color or my sexual orientation. But in the case of Scientology protesters, it matters, because it’s something that Scientologists love to seize upon: “Ah-hah! He’s an atheist! He’s opposed to religion! He wants to see all religions come to an end!”

This argument, while not applicable to Scientology (I’ll explain why in a sec), has some truth to it. For reasons that would probably sound a lot less insensitive than the next dozen words will, I do think the world would be a better place without religion.

I have a feeling that a lot of Scientology protestors, particularly those who have never been involved in Scientology, are atheists. Religion fills a need in the human soul: The yearning for there to be something beyond us, a future past the future, a greater meaning. Immortality, if you will. Some of us just buy into that. Not because we’re smarter or better or more evolved; it’s just how we see the world. I’m not opposed to the idea of a God; I’d love it if there was an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-loving Big Being who oversaw everything. (Although based on what the God of the Old Testament says about gays, goys, and girls, I’d rather not have to answer to that particular dude.) Based on the evidence, I think the existance of a God is highly unlikely. People like me just simply aren’t as susceptible to the charms of religion – nor are we suceptible to the charms of Scientology, which feeds those same needs.

So do I protest Scientology because I oppose religion in general? Not at all, because of the second thing in which I don’t believe:

I don’t believe that Scientology is a religion.

This, like my atheism, is based on evidence, except in the case of Scientology, it’s a lot more clear-cut. Scientology started out as a self-help business. It became a religion for tax purposes. Unlike my atheism, this is not a matter of opinion; Ron the Blabbermouth said it (and wrote it) himself. Repeadedly. (Brilliant con man though he may be, that narcicissm always got the better of him.)

L. Ron Hubbard evolved much of Scientology, including the UFO alien life form stuff, after deciding that a religion was more profitable than self-help. Ron learned his lesson with Dianetics: All you needed to do was read a book, maybe take a course or two, and bammo, you were a Dianetician; there was no continued income stream for Ron. You can bet your ass he wasn’t going to make that mistake twice!

Frankly, I think that by concentrating on the crimes committed in the name of Scientology, we’re missing the biggest crime of all: Scientology’s tax-exempt status.

Understand that Scientology did not get tax exemption because it is a legitimate religion. It got tax exempt status because they hounded the IRS into submission. That was no easy feat, but they did it. They did it by spending millions of “parishoner” dollars, and for what? So that they could keep the millions of dollars that followed.

Scientology as a tax-exempt religion is a crime. They are not a religion; they are a self-help business that does not actually help. If you live in the United States, you know that our government isn’t exactly flush with money. Our schools need funds. Medicare needs funds. Many of us would love to see a state-funded health system. Scientology has been keeping millions, if not billions, of dollars that could help fund those programs.

That’s wrong.

Not only that, but people like Marty Rathbun and other independent Scientology practitioners are able to claim tax-exempt status as well. Marty, next time you drive on the Interestate, send us all thank-you notes; we’re paying for those roads, you aren’t.

Listen, if people want to pay for auditing, that’s their business – but why shouldn’t Marty pay taxes just like a therapist? After all, they’re doing basically the same job.

Scientology can claim that it meets the definition of a religion; they’re big into dictionary definitions. But anyone who has experience and has gotten out will tell you Scientology is has as much in common with religion as a tree does with a Greyhound bus.

You want to see an end to the crimes of Scientology? Then let’s start talking about their tax-exempt status. Now is the time to write to your congress-people that you want Scientology’s tax-exempt status looked into. If Scientology was regarded as a business, they’d be scrutinzed as a business – and that means they couldn’t get away with the dangerous and demeaning shit they do.

Last time Scientology took on the IRS, they won because they had a bigger war chest. Now, with dwindling membership, tons of money tied up in buildings and facilities, and more and more Scientologists resisting the brutal fundraising, they might not be so strong. The prospect of a multi-billion-dollar tax bill would do them in, so they’d have to fight to the death… and death is a real possibility. Bam! Scientology problem solved.

And that’s something I do believe in.


Ron the Fuckup

I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER get tired of looking at this:

Spoiler alert: It’s L. Ron Hubbard’s college transcript. D in chemistry, the famous F in nuclear physics, and a B in The Short Story, which I think sums up his writing rather nicely. And nothing from the third semester on, because he dropped the hell out.

Why bring this up? Well, with all the turmoil that’s happened in the past few months (notably Marty Rathbun vs Milestone Two, hasn’t that been a popcorn-muncher?) and a new willingness on behalf of some Indies to accept that maybe LRH wasn’t perfect, and that maybe he was a little full of shit… I think it’s best that we remember that he was COMPLETELY full of shit.

The justification which a lot of Scientologists use — one once castigated by my old friend Marty Rathbun, now seemingly embraced by him — is that even if the Ol’ Man had a tendency to embellish certain points about his life — he was a creative writer, after all! — that doesn’t change the good that he did.* His “technology” is still valid.

Caliwog Communication Office Bulletin #1 says: NO IT FUCKING WELL ISN’T.

* Per Caliwog Tech, the only good Hubbard did was a) dying and b) recording that ridiculous “Thank You For Listening” song which always makes me laugh.

Hubbard was, as noted above, completely full of shit. The “tech” you think is good came from other sources, including in some cases his own followers. A lot of it is common sense, stuff that you could figure out if you hadn’t let LRH convince you that you’re all a bunch of dumb shits who need him. And a lot more of it is gibberish — talking in circles about obvious topics in order to seem intelligent. Christ, Scientology people, have you not ever seen this? Haven’t one single one of you attended a cocktail party a big-ego asshole or two? I can’t believe you don’t recognize this shit… oh wait, I can, because while I was in college, you guys were in Scientology.

All this ranting is pissing me off even more… time to go look at Ron the Dropout’s transcript again. An A in Phys Ed, hmm, Ron? Guess that was the semester where they taught you to run your mouth.




Are you a brainwashed Scientologist? Take this simple test to find out!

Why did Lisa McPherson die?

A) Because David Miscavige mishandled her case.

B) Because the Introspection Rundown was administered improperly.

C) Some combination of A and B.

D) Because Scientologists took her out of the hospital and locked her in a hotel room in accordance with LRH’s “tech,” instead of getting her proper medical treatment.

If you answered A, B or C, congratulations! You are a brainwashed Scientologist. Even if you think you’re “out,” the truth is that you’re still in.

May you “confront” that fact before it harms you.