Daily Archives: March 30, 2011

Best Scientology pick-up line?

I will never forget the first time I went for word clearing on the e-meter. The auditor, who was wearing a low cut sweater, looked me straight in the eyes and said “Squeeze the cans, please.” It took a second before I realized she meant the e-meter cans.

Ever since then, I’ve been obsessed with Scientology pick-up lines. Here are a few that I’ve come up with:

  • “Congratulations! You’ve gone Clear… to my heart.”
  • “Is that a cluster of body thetans in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”
  • “Your body is in screaming affluence!”
  • “I’m bad luck. Why don’t you pull me in?”
  • “I’ve got some charge you can blow!”
  • “Wanna MEST around?”
  • “My org needs a touch assist.”
  • “What’s a pretty girl like you doing on a prison planet like this?”

And, of course:

  • “How’d you like to pick up these cans?”

Let’s hear yours. Have at it, peoples.