Daily Archives: September 30, 2010

Thinner Rinder?

Several of Marty’s faithful have pointed out how much better Mike Rinder looks in the Panorama show that just aired versus the one in 2007. Mike looks thin and gaunt on the first show, but healthy and well-fed this time around – proof, they say, that life outside of the Church agrees with him.

But is that what’s really going on?

If you’ve watched Mike in action as the Church’s chief spokesliar, you know he hasn’t always exactly been supermodel-skinny. (Not that I’m criticizing; wogs in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.)

Now, I’ve known lots of Scientologist who were on diets, Weight Watchers, etc. Scientology promised a lot of cures – everything from higher IQ to perfect eyesight – but weight loss, as far as I can tell, was not among them. (Perhaps this is because Hubbard himself was also in the glass house with me and Mike. Maybe we should call him L. Ron Tubbard? Oh, snap! That was harsh!)

So, anyway, here’s my alternate theory: After years of making second trips to the donut box, Rinder, having found no cure for his spare tire in Scientology tech, finally got himself on track. By 2007, he was down to his college weight and fitting into those dresses he wore in his twenties. (Wait, sorry, that was Tom Cruise. Just kidding! That was satire, counselor. Tom Cruise, to the best of my knowledge, does not wear dresses. Nor does Mike Rinder. And besides, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with a man in a dress.)

Then Mike leaves the organized Church, he gets stressed by the Church’s attacks – or maybe by working with Marty – and he goes back to eating. And now he’s back to being the Rinder-sized Rinder we all came to know and love after they took Heber Jentschz off the air.

Now, some might think I’m being a bit harsh, or that I’m picking on Mike for his weight. I’m not. Mike looks fine. And maybe he really was gaunt from all the abuse he received in the Sea Org. But… if that as the case, don’t you think he would have written more about it on Marty’s blog? His followers would eat that up. (Okay, bad choice of cliché.)

Whatever really happened, Mike isn’t saying – last time I checked, he hadn’t acknowledged the comments about his better appearance. So maybe I’m wrong. Or maybe I’m right, but M&M are content to let people think that the Church was starving him.

Either way, Mike, you look much better now.

Have another donut. It’s on me.

ML,
Caliwog