Surprising new policies of the Catholic Church

Pope Benedict XVI today released several surprising new Catholic Church policies:

  • Any priest, nun or other member of the clergy who discusses with any other person any urges they may have to leave the Church will be subject to immediate excommunication.
  • The Catholic Church’s official position on mental illness has officially changed. Insanity is now regarded as an intentional act of aggression, and the mentally ill shall be regarded as harmful and dangerous.
  • If a Catholic Church organization is truly interested in serving humanity, they must stock at least 200 copies of the Pope’s best-selling book Introduction to Christianity and 100 copies of all of his other books. Failure to do so will result in that organization’s leader being stripped of all rights.

Just kidding! Do these sound like the sort of positions that a legitimate religion would take? Not to me, they don’t. And yet those are the exact positions of the Church of Scientology™, as written by Church founder L. Ron Hubbard:

“Informing fellow staff members and others that one is leaving [church] staff is hereby labeled a suppressive act.” — LRH, HCO PL 7 December 1976, “LEAVES AND LEAVING” [Note: Parishoners labeled “suppressive” are kicked out of the Church.]

“Insanity is the overt or covert but always complex and continuous determination to harm or destroy.” — LRH, HCOB 28 November 1970, “C/S Series 22”

“The actions of the insane are not ‘unconscious’. They are completely aware of what they are doing…The psychotic is motivated by intent to harm.” — LRH, HCOB 28 November 1970, “PSYCHOSIS”

Any HCO Exec[utive] Sec[retary] who[‘s Church] does not have at least 200 or more copies of Dianetics®: The Modern Science of Mental Health and at least 100 or more of each other LRH™ book in stock…is automatically in Non-Existence and has no rights, as a failure to have books available amounts to… a betrayal of humanity.” — LRH, ED 5 INT, 27 May 1968, “ETHICS”

Scientology calls itself “a religion in its highest meaning, as it helps to bring man to total freedom and truth.” Does this sound like freedom and truth to you?


P.S. I will award US$5 cash to the first Independent Scientologist who can successfully prove that the above claims are the fault of David Miscavige and his “squirrel” tech and not the originations of L. Ron Hubbard. You know where the Leave a Comment link is!

2 responses to “Surprising new policies of the Catholic Church

  1. Do Christians eat shellfish? L. Ron God said it was an abomination. But, somehow, very many of them don’t find it that hard to rationalize ignoring that bit. You could just as well call, say, Paul the Apostle a crazy asshole, but aren’t you just picking on an easier target?

    Here’s how I look at it: the Scientologists are where the Mormons were 150 years ago, but they have a way shittier Brigham Young.

  2. Pure gold. Robert Vaughn Young’s deposition regarding the “Church” offers a fantastic look into what went on during the time Scientology went religious.

    And the voice objecting in the background, Mike Rinder. Zing!

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